


Operation: Get a Clue

by 80sGayTrashGoblin



Series: Goblin's DotU Verse [6]
Category: Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Crack, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Female Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, He's bi, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Mentions of Sex, Pidge is a gremlin, Pidge writes fanfiction, everyone's done with pidge's shit, except for hunk, for a split second, like a lot, shoutout to my friend queen, this is all crack, who did this first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/pseuds/80sGayTrashGoblin
Summary: 'Pidge was sure everyone knew about Allura's puppy crush on Keith.To be fair, she also had a puppy crush on Lance, but that one seemed to fade away pretty quickly. However, the one on Keith seemed to stick around. Not to blame her, Keith is fairly attractive. But Keith is gay, very very gay. And no one else was going to deal with this problem, so it's up to Pidge himself.Pidge was many things, but he was not a matchmaker. And many of Pidge's immediate answers involves explosives, which was not helpful. But then again, he had many talents.One of which was writing exceptionally shitty fanfiction.'Or, five times Pidge fixes his friend's love lives by writing shitty fanfiction about them, and one time they try to get revenge.
Relationships: Allura/Keith (Voltron) (one-sided), Allura/Queen Merla (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: Goblin's DotU Verse [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166207
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Operation: Get a Clue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["Pidge Writes Fanfiction"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25023964) by [Queenscene2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenscene2/pseuds/Queenscene2). 



> *Blows a kiss* For Queenie. Enjoy your crack.

**1.**

Pidge was sure everyone knew about Allura's puppy crush on Keith. 

To be fair, she also had a puppy crush on Lance, but that one seemed to fade away pretty quickly. However, the one on Keith seemed to stick around. Not to blame her, Keith is fairly attractive. But Keith is gay, very very gay. And no one else was going to deal with this problem, so it's up to Pidge himself. 

Pidge was many things, but he was not a matchmaker. And many of Pidge's immediate answers involves explosives, which was not helpful. But then again, he had many talents. 

One of which was writing exceptionally shitty fanfiction. 

Pidge grinned to himself as he pulled out an old Dell laptop reserved for writing bad fanfiction, and got typing. 

Allura jumped, as a pile of papers appeared on her nightstand. She looked around, but didn't see who put it on her desk. Honestly, if she couldn't see the culprit, it was probably Pidge. 

She sighed, rolling her eyes as she picked it up. She figured its another essay from Pidge about how they need to let him fish more scrap out of the junkyard or how they need to increase the budget for snacks for the mice. 

_Keith sighed, leaning back in his chair in his office. He needed to finish paperwork, but he was so tired. But Allura had banned caffeine in the castle a couple weeks earlier._

So this wasn't an essay. Actually, Allura doesn't know what this is, but she was intrigued. She sat on her bed, continuing to read. 

_However, this doesn't escape Allura's notice. She even managed to slip into his office without him noticing. No one slips into Keith's office unnoticed._

_She plopped herself onto Keith's lap, startling him out of whatever reverie he was in. "Allura!" He shouted in surprise, instinctively reaching up to grab her hips._

IRL Allura scoffed. She would never go sit on Keith's lap. She would sit on his desk. She did like the idea that Keith would make sure she wouldn't fall off of his lap. However, she's fully engrossed now. 

_"Are you okay?" Allura went straight for the gun, leaning into the Commander's personal space._

_"Uh, yeah, I'm fine?"_

_Allura leaned in, more confident than she normally is. "Are you really?"_

_"Yeah? I'm- Mmph!" Keith was cut off by Allura pressing her lips to Keith's. To her surprise, instead of pushing her off, Keith wrapped his fingers in her hair and pulled her deeper. He tasted like chamomile tea, to her surprise._

_Keith pulled back, rather reluctantly she noticed, and properly looked at Allura, his eyes like pools of ink._

"Excuse me," Allura muttered to herself. "His eyes are glittering stones, thank you very much." Her face flushed a little bit, as she realized that how she knew that says more about her than about Pidge. 

_"Let me take care of you, Keith," she said, her hands moving to the Commander's chest and starting to unzip his jumpsuit._

_"Wait," Keith muttered, barely in control of himself. "Lock the door first."_

_"Oh, right, right." Allura slipped off his lap, quickly moving over to the door and locking it. But while her back was turned, she felt Keith's muscular arms wrap around her waist, and teeth sink into shoulder._

_She cried out, but not from pain, rather from pleasure. He sucked and pressed kisses into her shoulders and up her neck, and Allura tried to keep her moans quiet._

_Keith sighed, pulling back as Allura turned to face him. He pressed her to the wall, muttering, "Let me take care of you."_

_Allura moaned as she felt Keith suckling at her neck again. "I thought I was supposed to be taking care of you."_

Allura sighed, skipping a few pages forward and skimming quickly. She's read erotica before: a teenager wandering a castle library with nothing else to do was bound to stumble across it eventually. But as she read it, something about this one made her really queasy. Maybe because it was because it was much more graphic than her mother's novels, maybe because it involved her and Commander Keith, but for some reason she was feeling rather nauseous.

_Allura cried out in tandem with Keith, as they both hit their climax, Keith th-_

**Bleugh**

And she just puked all over the floor. Luckily, none got on the manuscript, but it got all over the carpet. She just sighed, calling over one of the newly hired maids, and asking her to also call for Keith. 

Keith knocked on the door, hearing a muffled "Come in!" He stepped into a very clean carpet, sitting on the bed next to Allura, and wondering what this was about. And why she wouldn't look him in the face. 

Contrary to popular belief (and whatever Sven says), he's not oblivious. He's noticed that Allura had a crush on him. At least she wasn't really acting on it, because the last thing the team needed was love life drama. And he wasn't keen on telling Allura no to things. Her puppy dog eyes get to him every time. She's like a dog in that sense. 

"So, what's going on?" Keith asked, just sitting back and waiting. "And why did you puke on the floor?" 

"Well, um, this is really awkward for me," Allura started, folding her legs and holding a manuscript away from her eyes. "I don't know if you knew this, but I had a crush on you." 

"I did," he responded, before thinking a bit. "Wait, had?" 

"Yeah. I don't anymore." 

"Um." Keith seriously weighed the options of knowing versus not knowing, before giving into his curiosity and asking hesitantly, "Why?" 

"I- Um-" Allura just plopped the manuscript into his hands, her face very red all of a sudden. "You should just read this." 

"Okay..." He trailed off when he saw his and Allura's names, skimming through it very quickly to make sure he didn't also puke. He knew exactly who wrote this. "Oh." 

"Yeah." She coughed into her hand nervously. "Like, my mother had some erotica, but it wasn't as graphic as, well, that. And it doesn't usually make me puke, like it makes me a little uncomfortable, but I can usually push through it. That, though, was just..." She just shook her head. "But erotica was written to be enjoyed, right? Am I just weird?" 

Oh. "Well, it depends on the person. Most people would, but some people don't." Keith cleared his throat awkwardly. He really isn't the one who should be having this conversation, but it was better him than Lance. "I mean, I certainly hated this." 

Allura's eyes went wide as he continued talking. "But, um, have you heard about sexuality, at all?" 

She wrinkled her nose. "Um. Wasn't it how much you like sex? The novels mentioned it a couple of times." 

"That's, not, um... That's not completely off the mark. Well, how do I put this, sexuality is who you're attracted to. Most people are attracted to the opposite sex. Some people are attracted to the same sex. Some are attracted to both, and some just don't like sex at all." 

"Oh." Allura looked back at the manuscript again. "So, I think I'm definitely not attracted to men." 

"Yeah, I think that's pretty obvious." 

"Yeah. I don't know about women though." 

"It's alright to be unsure." Keith scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "It took me a while to figure out for myself." 

"Well, what's the case for you? If you're okay with telling me." 

"I- yeah, it's fine. I'm gay. Which means I only like men. Um, bi means you like both, straight means you like the opposite, and ace means you like no one."

"Oh. I still don't know." 

"That's fine. That's fine." Keith stood up awkwardly, the manuscript still in his hands. "I'm just going to go have a chat with Pidge." 

Allura snickered as he left. She knew what that really meant.

* * *

**2.**

Keith is back from whatever ritual he had to do with Coran (which Allura was pretty sure just involved smacking Haggar over the head until she handed over the cure). Allura should feel happy about that. And she was, she truly was. But here she is, still lying in bed and thinking about when he was a girl. She's still thinking about her face, and her hair, and her breasts, and Goddess she just wants to touch them.

She sighed, turning over in bed and accepting the fact that she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. Grabbing her phone off of the nightstand next to her, she absentmindedly put in a Google search. 'how to stop crushing on your best friend who turned into a girl but is no longer a girl'

Unfortunately for her, a certain goblin lurked in the vents that night, laughing maniacally to himself and about to write another fanfiction. 

Allura groaned in frustration, as she saw another manuscript on her nightstand. Last time, that manuscript made her puke on her carpet. Hopefully, at least she doesn't puke. 

_Allura sighed in disappointment, sinking into the hot tub. She was hesitant to admit it, but she was disappointed when Keith had turned back to male._

Allura glared up at the vents. "Pidge!" When no answer came to the snoop, she sighed, deciding she might as well continue to read it. 

_"Hey, Allura," a silky smooth voice muttered in her ear, and she looked up and gasped. It was Keith, but as a girl again. A silver necklace with a Venus symbol hung around her neck, and she was in the bikini that Allura let her borrow. The deep crimson complemented her tanned skin, and her breasts were large. Her abs and muscles were well defined, and her eyes glittered like wet stones._

Allura was becoming uncomfortably aware of how hot and bothered she was becoming. This image of Keith, as a girl, in a bikini of all things, was distressingly attractive. 

_Allura squeaked, looking up at the attractive Commander. "Keith?! How did you-?!"_

_A laugh like ringing bells interrupted her question, causing her brain to short-circuit again. "Well, I also requested that Haggar make me a necklace that allowed me to turn into a girl at will," Keith said with a grin, fiddling with the necklace around her neck._

_"But, didn't you say you only like men?" She asked incredulously, fueled by the one brain cell still thinking about logic._

_Keith chuckled again. "I thought so too. But it seems when I am a woman, what happens is that I become only attracted to women."_

"That logic is flimsy at best," Allura muttered under her breath. But she was still fascinated. If this is something that Pidge wrote, then it's probably going to get graphic, and that excited her a lot more than it should have. 

_Allura just looked up at the Commander as she slipped into the hot tub, and gasped as she pressed a kiss to Allura's lips. Keith's arms wrapped around Allura's neck, and Allura instinctively moved her hands to card through Keith's hair. The moan coming from the other lady was well worth it._

She shuddered at the image in her head, then realized that she should probably just skim through the rest of the story, before she had an uncomfortable situation on her hands. 

Keith was reading a book (Illusions of a Friend, a mystery novel by Corlen Linnen, which he snagged from Alfor's library) in the lounge, while the other pilots sat around the coffee table playing Poker. Thankfully, today was a pretty chill day, which was why Keith was laying on the couch and reading a book rather than getting on the others for training. Although something was tugging at the back of his mind, like he's forgetting about something important...

Allura walked into the lounge, sitting on the couch a little ways away from where Keith was sprawled out. Her face was bright red, and she seemed to be avoiding looking at Keith. 

"Hey Prince- woah!" Lance looked up from his game, and Pidge snagged a glance at Lance's hand. "What's got you in a tizzy?" 

"Um, well." Allura cleared her throat nervously. "You know how, a few weeks ago, I started questioning my sexuality?" 

"Yeah?" Lance raised an eyebrow.

"I am no longer questioning my sexuality." 

"Ooh." Lance put his cards down and leaned on the table, and Hunk and Pidge followed suit. Even Keith stuck his bookmark in his book and put it down. "Spill the tea." 

"I'm a lesbian." 

Hunk grinned and started clapping, and Lance whistled and pat Allura on the back. Keith just chuckled and said, "I kind of figured." 

"How did you know?" Allura asked, shock clear on her face. 

"When you were helping me, you were not subtle in feeling me up." 

If it was possible, Allura went redder than she had before, covering her face with her hands as everyone else laughed around her. Keith pat her on the back reassuringly though, and said quietly, "We're here for you." 

"We're here for you," Lance repeated, patting her on the back again. "We're just also going to make fun of you too. Lovingly, of course." 

Allura rolled her eyes, pushing him over. But the wink that Pidge shot Allura, and her subsequent coughing fit, did not escape Keith's notice. 

"Pidge." Keith's tone was serious, and the entire room quieted. "What did you write this time?" 

"Oh, you know," Pidge said nonchalantly, "Just an encounter between you as a girl, and Allura, in the hot tubs..." 

The room went quiet. Then Keith threw his book at him. 

* * *

**3.**

While poking fun at Allura's love life while also helping her was fun and all, there was another elephant in the room. Namely, the tension between Keith and Lance. 

They kept avoiding each other, dancing around each other, ogling each other, sizing each other up, and quite frankly it was getting a little ridiculous. At this point, even Allura noticed that there was crushing going on. 

So Pidge was going to solve it in his own Pidge way. Starting with dropping a manuscript in Keith's office. Because quite frankly messing with Keith is hilarious.

Grinning to himself, he locked Keith in his office with the manuscript and went on his way. Hopefully, he'll figure it out. 

Keith was sitting in his office again, drinking another mug of coffee to get him through paperwork. He was almost done, and had gone to go get a cup of coffee, and had sighed when he saw another stack of papers on his desk. "Come on, I don't want to deal with another one of Pidge's noise complaints," Keith allowed himself to complain, before sitting down and thumbing through the new paperwork. 

It was not another noise complaint.

_Keith was pinned, the black lion was stuck under a pile of rocks. Really, the only lion who would be able to push the rocks was the yellow lion, and Hunk was patrolling the fifth sector. In fact, the only one around was-_

_"Hey Chief, you good down there?" Lance's voice came over the intercom._

_Keith sighed. "I'm fine. I'm just stuck."_

_"So, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place."_

Keith snorted at the bad joke, rolling his eyes even though no one else was with him. 

_Keith snorted. "Lance."_

_"That's my name, sweetheart. Don't overuse it."_

_The pet name made him blush, even though he knew he didn't mean it that way. He was glad that Lance couldn't see him. "Whatever. Go patrol the rest of the sector, make sure it's safe, while I contact Hunk."_

_Keith could physically hear Lance roll his eyes. "Arus is fine, I don't even need to check. And I already texted Hunk. He'll be half an hour though, someone roped him into helping them raise a barn or something."_

_Keith sighed, making himself comfortable in his seat. "I guess I'll be here for a while then."_

_"Want me to keep you company, Chief?"_

_Keith cleared his throat, trying to keep his mind away from the conclusion it first jumped to. "If you want to, you can."_

"I would never say that," Keith muttered aloud to himself, then thought about it. If it was Lance saying that, what would he say? Probably something like 'I'll be fine, go check on Allura.'

_"Alright." Before Keith could really register what he was doing, Lance dropped into the cockpit, and he got a spectacular view of Lance's ass._

_"Oh, hi." Keith was struggling to keep his composure._

_"Hi- oh?" Lance raised an eyebrow, walking over with that smug grin of his. He plopped down in Keith's lap, giving him a look that made Keith's knees weak. "Seems you're enjoying my presence."_

_Something about him, that perfect figure accented by their flight suits, the deep blue eyes beckoning him in, that perfect damn smirk and silky hair, weakened Keith's self control. Especially since he was sitting right on Keith's lap, and who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth._

_Keith moved entirely on instinct, pulling Lance down to him. The kiss was messy, teeth were involved, tongues were involved, and Keith was in heaven._

Keith scoffed. "I wouldn't kiss him." Then he thought about it. And pointedly ignored the way his mouth watered and heart beat as he continued reading. 

After a while of trying to keep himself composed, and failing, he decided a quick bathroom break was what he needed. Yeah, that's what he was going to the bathroom for. He stashed the manuscript in his bedroom on the way there, and if he sometimes spent some quality time with it at night, that's his own business.

* * *

**4.**

Frustratingly, the manuscript that Pidge gave Keith did not help at all. Although he got comedy gold when he recorded Keith's reaction to it, and he has permanently ruined Hunk's sleep schedule ('Pidge this is not funny, I can hear him masturbating next door!'), but the goal has not been achieved. Keith has just been avoiding Lance more, pointedly putting Lance on different sectors for patrol, and not making moves like he was supposed to. Which means the backup plan must be deployed. 

Lance sighed, laying on the couch and letting out a muffled groan through his hands. Keith was getting on his nerves lately, pointedly avoiding him, and he couldn't figure it out for the life of him. When he talked to Hunk about it, all Hunk's advice amounted to was 'go talk to him.' And he wasn't going to ask Pidge. That was a recipe for a bad disaster. 

Pidge popped up behind him and he shrieked. "Holy shit!" Lance shouted, falling off of the couch. Speak of the devil and it shall appear. "What the fuck was that for?" 

Pidge rolled his eyes, dropping a stack of papers onto his chest. "You need to get your head out of your ass," he said. After a pause, he also added on, "And when you read that, you should probably go to your bedroom. You'll want some privacy." 

"The fuck are you-" When Lance turned around, Pidge was gone. "Implying... Oh well." 

However, when it comes to Pidge's writing, Lance was inclined to follow his advice. Once he was sufficiently in his room (including locking the door, he wasn't an ameteur), he started to read it.

_Lance closed the door behind him, making Keith jump from where he was sitting. There was a conversation that needed to happen. "Keith," he growled, slamming his hands on the desk and leaning over the other man._

_Keith swallowed nervously, leaning back on instinct. "Lance?" He asked, completely caught off guard._

Lance huffed. Keith would be caught dead before he would be caught off guard. Unrealistic. Although...

_"We need to talk." Lance was blunt and to the point. "Why have you been avoiding me?"_

_"What do you mean?" Keith asked. His eyes were wide, as if he'd been caught right in the act._

_"I mean, why have you been avoiding me?" Lance walked around the desk, leaning over Keith, placing his hands on the arms of the swivel chair. He was suddenly aware of Keith's shallow breathing, his wide eyes like pools of black ink, and his death grip on Lance's wrists. But he could tell that Keith was afraid. No, it looked more like he was trying to keep control of himself, but for what for, Lance had no idea._

Lance snorted. Was Pidge saying that this is what would happen if he confronted Keith? There were only two ways this was going to go: Keith was going to bitch slap him, or they were going to have sex. Knowing that Pidge wrote this, he was betting on the latter. 

He was going to punch Pidge in the face, but he was going to finish reading this first. 

_"If you're going to punch me, you can do it now," Lance muttered. At his words, he could see something change in Keith's eyes._

_Keith's arms moved, but instead of punching him, they grabbed Lance's hair and pulled him down. Their lips smashed together, messily, and Lance wouldn't have it any other way._

_He froze for a few moments, before opening his mouth and leaning in. His tongue slipped into his mouth, and Keith tasted like bitter coffee._

Lance started skimming through it, as this was kind of slow (granted Pidge's writing was always pretty slow, but still). "Oh, hell no. I am going to have words with Pidge." 

"Hey!" Lance managed to corner Pidge, in his Breaking Bad laboratory. "First of all, I am not a bottom!" 

"I'm not the one you need to prove that to." 

Lance sputtered. "What the fuck does that mean?" 

Pidge stood up, getting in Lance's face. "You really need to fuck Keith." 

"What the fuck does that mean?!" 

"The sexual tension between you two is quite frankly distracting." 

"What-?!" 

Pidge glared at him. "You are so stupid." 

"What?!" 

Pidge sighed. "Just think about it." 

They fell into silence, as Lance thought. And a revelation came to mind. "Oh. OH." 

"Yeah, you fucking get it now?" 

"Yeah." 

"So go ask him out!" Lance shouted as Pidge started physically shoving him out of the attic. 

"Alright, alright!" Lance stumbled out, looking back as a door was slammed into his face. "Fine, fine. Asshole." 

Keith was standing in the lounge, seemingly talking to Allura and Hunk about something. Hunk was shaking Keith's shoulders, and there was shouting, but Lance wasn't paying attention. There was something he needed to do. 

"Lance!" Hunk shouted, but he ignored him as Lance stepped over to Keith and pulled him into a kiss with a squeak. 

Lance's brain short-circuited as Keith opened his mouth. Pidge was wrong, he tasted like chamomile tea, with a hint of sugar. He could hear Allura whistle behind him, and Hunk shout "Finally!" as he deepened the kiss. 

They pulled back at the same time, out of breath. "Get it!" Allura shouted enthusiastically, which made Keith squeak. 

"What did I tell you?" Hunk patted him on the back good-naturedly, although it came across more as a slap. "Also, if you're going to fuck, go into Lance's room. I want to be able to sleep again tonight." 

Keith's face went red, as he simply buried it into Lance's sweater. Lance, for his part, was laughing his ass off. 

"Speak for yourself, I know you want to make moves on Twyl- Wait, Allura, are you taking pictures?!" Allura indeed had a camera out. 

"Alright, let's go!" Keith grabbed Lance's arm and started dragging him off. Hunk just started laughing, and Allura was giving them both a thumbs up and shouted "Have fun!" 

That night was fun, though. 

* * *

**5.**

Allura's immediate thought, on seeing the Queen of Darkness, was that she was really hot. 

Her second thought was that she was fucked. Because Queen Merla was engaged to Lotor. 

And even if she wasn't, Merla was way out of her league. 

Regardless, she needed something to take care of this problem. She still has the manuscript of herself and Keith in the hot tub that she pulls out sometimes, and she knew that was not going to help her this time (from personal experience). Which is why she is standing in front of the room that Pidge has claimed for himself, knocking on the door. 

"Princess?!" Pidge shouted in surprise, as Allura stood in front of him. "What're you doing up here?" 

"I need something." She slipped into the workshop, closing the door behind her and crinkling her nose. "Why are you growing weed in my castle?" 

"That's not important." Pidge threw a tarp over the lamp currently giving light to his potted weed. "Now, what're you here for?" 

Allura sighed, her face already growing red. "I need you to write something for me." 

"Ohoho!" Pidge grinned, leaning onto the desk. "Give me the deets." 

"I need you to write something, involving me and Merla." At Pidge's expression, Allura huffed. "Don't laugh!" 

"I'm not laughing!" Pidge smirked. "It's just that Hunk now owes me twenty bucks." 

"Why am I not surprised?" 

Pidge pat her on the shoulder, gently pushing her out of the room. "You'll get it tonight. Now scram." When the door shut behind her, Allura knew she had nothing to do but wait. 

Allura plopped down, already spotting the manuscript laying on her bed. "Let's have a look at this," she murmured, plopping it open to the first page. 

_Allura had worked the straps of her armor meticulously. This was it, the day she would win over Merla: by killing Lotor._

"Wait a minute." She started skimming through it. There was what could only be described as a training montage, a really bad fight scene, and some mild flirting, but there was no sex. None of what she actually wanted (although plenty of good ideas on how to kill Lotor). "Goddammit Pidge!" 

"What?" Speaking of the devil, he popped out of the vent above her bed. "Not what you were looking for?" 

"No! I wanted something that I could read to tide over a crush on a person I could never have!" 

"What do you mean?" Pidge looked honestly, genuinely surprised. "You gotta go get her." 

"I can't!" Allura melodramatically flopped on her bed, face first into the pillows, before rolling over. "She's engaged to Lotor! And even if she weren't, she's way out of my league!" 

"Well, I don't know if you noticed," Pidge said, dropping down from the vent and onto the bed next to her. "But she doesn't actually like Lotor. It's a political marriage." 

Allura looked up, a little more hope in her eyes. "She's still out of my league. Like, she's really royalty, first class, bonafide royalty. And hot. Did I mention hot?" 

"Yes, yes you did. And there's an easy answer to that." Pidge saw that he had Allura's attention. "Work to get in her league." 

"And how would I do that?" 

"Look up on how to court her the Bimmun way. Listen, one day, I'll drag Keith and the others off on a relaxation day, and you make an excuse to go hit the library." 

The gears were turning in Allura's head, so she held out her pinkie. "Promise not to tell the others?" 

Pidge took it. "Pinkie promise." 

They grinned at each other, and Pidge jumped off the bed, leaving Allura to daydream. 

* * *

**+1.**

A manuscript landed on Pidge's desk. "Careful with that," Pidge said, one eye closed as he finished pouring Pentaojulgadrasy into a vial of Zegnenniene. When he finally looked up, no one was there. Setting the flask of the newly created Tetrazeirrhaamphecite, or Hood Honey as it's more widely known, down on the desk, he started skimming the manuscript. 

_Chip gasped, as Pidge held him at gunpoint. "Why would you betray me like this?!"_

_Pidge grinned, using his free hand to stroke his mustache. "Everyone knows the twin with the Fu Manchu is the evil twin!" He laughed maniacally as he pulled the trigger._

Pidge chuckled. It was bad, but not as bad as his were. A post-it attached to the manuscript, signed by Hunk and Allura, confirmed the true nature of the document: it was to try and get back at him for the shit he pulls. 

But they were unaware of his true power. 

Lance screamed bloody murder, chasing Pidge through the castle and threatening to 'Beat the bloody fuck' out of him. Pidge was enjoying himself; this was immensely more amusing than scamming rich bastards.

Keith was simply laying on the floor, muttering about how he needed to wash out his eyes with bleach. Hunk was still reading it, although quickly coming to the same conclusion. 

"What's going on?" Allura asked, stepping into the chaos and watching as Lance and Pidge rounded the same corner again. "Why does Lance want to murder Pidge now?" 

Hunk wordlessly handed Allura the stack of papers in his hands, taking another swig of the Jack Daniels in his hands. 

_"Oh, well," Chip muttered into Pidge's ear. "I was always a fan of breaking the taboo~" Pidge pressed a kiss to Chip's cheek-_

**Bleugh**

Allura puked. Then dropped the manuscript into the puke. Because that's the treatment it deserved for what it did to her eyes. 

Hunk wordlessly offered her his bottle of Jack Daniels. She accepted it, despite Keith's protests from the floor. In the distance, the sounds of punching and a fire extinguisher could be heard as Lance caught up to Pidge. 

The Voltron Force learned their lesson that day: never try to out-demon a demon. 


End file.
